My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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