Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
