just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
