So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
