Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
