is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
