I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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