So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
