there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
