I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
then he tried to convert me to islam
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Randomize
