pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
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