I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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