I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize
