she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Randomize
