...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
