she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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