Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
