I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
