We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
