I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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