Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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