plz talk dirty to me
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
