Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You smell like stripper and shame
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
