Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Randomize
