His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
