some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
