God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
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I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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