When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
