She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
