i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
