I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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