I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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