but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
OPIZZABONMYDICK
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
