So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
