I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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