yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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