She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
