I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
