I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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