I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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