My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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