fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Randomize
