I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
