There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
