he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
