1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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