Reggie can tackle my bush.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
