Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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