i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
