remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
