Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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