ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Randomize
