I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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