How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
you inspire me to be a worse person
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
