i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
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