Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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