I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
