And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
There r osticjed everywhere
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
