I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
