Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Randomize
