maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
