where am i from again
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
