is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Randomize
