hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
