hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
