do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
