yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
