I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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