yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
