I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
