apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I have aggressive nipples.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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