do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
