I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
