i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
