did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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