So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
