I bet he comes in French.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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